What is Abuse and Violence?
Violence and abuse involves the domination and control of individuals and whānau members. It can take several forms:
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Physical abuse such as punching, beating, kicking, shaking, biting or choking can cause serious long-term injury or death. Physical abuse may be the result of a single episode or a series of episodes.
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Emotional abuse occurs when a person's emotional, psychological or social wellbeing and sense of worth is continually being battered. It can include criticising, rejecting, degrading, ignoring, isolating, threatening harm, damaging belongings, stalking and terrorising a person. Emotional abuse is almost always present when other forms of abuse occur.
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Economic abuse is one form of control used by perpetrators to gain power over their partner. It can take many different forms, but all are aimed at limiting and controlling the partner's current and future actions and freedom of choice — such as interfering with employment, education or training, withholding money and belongings, or controlling information about or access to income.
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Sexual abuse is any sort of non-consensual sexual contact, such as rape or forced sex, sexual harassment and degrading sexual behaviour.
Child Sexual Abuse includes acts or behaviours where an adult, or an older or more powerful person, uses a child for a sexual purpose. While it may involve a stranger, most sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child knows and trusts.
Sexual violence and family harm can happen to anyone, regardless of the way they look or how they dress. It occurs across all ages, ethnicities and income levels, and can have profound, long-term effects on your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual wellbeing — individually and for whānau.
Coping alone can be very difficult; often friends and whānau won't know how to react after a disclosure. They may not understand, or may have a strong emotional response to what they've been told. Contacting an organisation that specialises in working with survivors is a good way to ensure you receive good support, information and understanding.
You have the right to feel safe, to heal from what has happened, and to reach your full potential.
Support After Sexual Assault
If you have recently been sexually assaulted, it's important that you look after yourself. You may feel a multitude of overwhelming feelings all at once - confusion, shock, fear and shame. These are all normal feelings after an assault. If you would like a support person to help you seek care, SOS Kaipara has specialist trained workers available to support survivors after an assault.
If you choose to have a sexual assault kit taken, you'll need to contact your local doctor's clinic for a Doctor in Sexual Abuse Care, also known as a MEDSAC doctor. MEDSAC doctors have specialised training in the sensitive care of a person's physical and emotional needs after an assault, and can also help with accessing ACC support in your recovery.
If you choose to have a forensic examination to gather information for pressing charges, it must be performed by a MEDSAC doctor. Ideally, for the best evidence to be gathered, this should take place as soon as possible — before showering or changing clothes — but can still be done up to seven days after. You're able to have a support person present if you wish, and the information is only handed to Police if you give consent. You can pause or stop the examination at any time. Your wellbeing is paramount.
Recovery and Long-Term Effects
The effects of experiencing physical and emotional trauma can be extremely difficult to deal with, and each person's journey to recovery will vary. It's common to have good days and bad days, but with the right ongoing support it will get better. Some common long-term experiences after sexual assault are:
Depression
Depression can be long-lasting and lead to feelings of absolute hopelessness. It's different from feelings of being sad, and if left untreated can affect a person's long-term decision-making, appetite, and lead to prolonged feelings of helplessness. Some people may develop feelings of suicide. People experiencing depression may also withdraw and isolate themselves. It's important to seek support from someone you trust, and to allow yourself to experience the emotions associated with it, so you can begin the path to healing.
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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
With PTSD, the trauma of sexual assault may be triggered by something encountered in everyday life that sets off an uncontrollable flashback to the event. This can show up as emotional symptoms — heightened emotions, panic and anxiety, nightmares — as well as physical symptoms like an accelerated heart rate, sweating, and stomach problems like diarrhoea or constipation. Trying to process and suppress these overwhelming feelings can lead to detachment and avoidance of anything that might trigger a flashback. With counselling, and sometimes the help of medication, PTSD symptoms can be alleviated. Finding someone you trust and can talk honestly with helps, and in time PTSD symptoms will lessen.
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Supporting Survivors
For those supporting survivors, it's important to be there and remember that everyone's journey to recovery is different - there's no right or wrong way. Wāhine and tamariki recover more quickly when they're supported by people who reassure them and allow them to be honest about how they're feeling and what they need in their recovery, without judgement.
People who've experienced sexual assault may feel they've lost control in their life. If you're supporting a survivor, it's paramount that you seek their permission before disclosing any information or experience they've shared with you, so there's no further loss of power for them. This also applies to comforting someone physically, such as with a hug - this may actually trigger flashbacks. Be respectful of their wishes and don't pressure them if they're not receptive.
Those supporting survivors may also want to seek support themselves, so they're able to provide the best support possible to the person they're caring for.